I doubt that back in the days the Buddha was hitting up the clubs, “pimping it”, and inviting girls over to “meditate and chill”. That’s not what this article is about.
What I want to talk about are the fundamental principles that the teachings of the Buddha taught that I applied when I was learning to meet and attract women. At first I thought it was crazy reading about the Buddha and other forms of eastern philosophy. But as soon as I started seeing the results from its implementation, I bought a mat, got myself some incense and became an instant fan.
With that being said, by the end of this article, you’ll learn the following:
- The secret behind being someone who doesn’t get laid to someone who’s naturally an alpha male.
- How to step out of social conditioning and actually stop caring what other people think.
- How to use the power of silence to your advantage during interactions with women
One last thing to keep in mind: the text you’re going to read includes my interpretation of teachings of the Buddha for the application of how to pick up women. Got it? Lets get to it!
1. “We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think…” – The Buddha
If you had to create a mental image of yourself, what would it look like? Have you ever wondered why that specific image automatically shows up whenever you make a mental representation of yourself?
Lets say that you’re currently happy with your love life, and I asked you to describe to me how you see yourself, would you describe a lonely you or one that is living in abundance? Chances are that if you don’t believe your love life will ever improve, you’ll see yourself as a single and miserable person.
But if you can see yourself as someone who is getting girls, and someone who sees that it’s inevitable that it’s going to happen, would you feel excited and energetic? Most likely!
Lets dig a little deeper and use individuals who became a success as an example of this principle:
When LeBron James was in high school, he was quoted as a freshman saying that he dreamed of being in the NBA. He always saw himself as an NBA player and as a result, his work ethic reflected his self image and his subconscious mind took that as a command and made it possible. Now he’s in the NBA!
I’m just going to assume that whenever LeBron made a mental image of himself, he saw an NBA player and got him excited because the outcome felt inevitable. Who wouldn’t be excited about an inevitable destination of greatness?!?!
How about Arnold Schwarzenegger? What did he see when he thought of himself? In his autobiography, Total Recall, he said that whenever he wanted to achieve something new, he made sure that he saw a clear picture of what he wanted to become. He wanted to become a champion so he made an image of himself being a winner and focused exclusively on that image until its fulfillment.
The same principle that made him the greatest body builder of all time helped him become one of the biggest movie stars. To take it even further, he did the same thing and became the Governor of California! That’s right. The Terminator was the Governor of California. Just let that sink in…
Can you notice the trend?
The key to getting what you want, and in this case, women, is to first be able to see yourself as an alpha male who effortlessly gets women, and just like it happened to me, the excitement of that vision will move you to take massive action. If you don’t believe it’ll happen for you just find someone who was in the same circumstance and learned how to pick up women and draw inspiration from them. You may not get it right the first time, or even the third time, but if you don’t allow the outcome to change the vision you have of yourself, success is inevitable.
It’s a liberating realization when you know that your life is a reflection of your thoughts.
It’s liberating because I know there’s a way out, but if you still believe that your past equals your future, then you’re going to feel trapped and never take action.
That’s why I’m able to go out and sometimes get laid by accident because it all began with a vision of me being able to get laid as I go about my day. I didn’t want to depend on my social circle or chance to get laid. I could have accepted my faith as a normal dude who gets 7 girls in his lifetime (if lucky), or I can choose be part of the 20 percent of men who get 80 percent of the girls (pareto’s law).
The decision was obvious, and as a result, I began to see myself as a man surrounded by women, took action and in no time I began to get laid by accident. I had no other choice. The alternative was a pure nightmare.
By commanding your subconscious to make you into a certain person — imagining the person you’re going to have to become — your mind will naturally begin to filter and/or reinterpret experiences that do not supports this vision.
For example, take a second (SERIOUSLY) and do the following:
1. Look around the room and notice everything that’s red.
2. Close your eyes and try and remember anything that was blue.
Chances are that you could barely recall anything that was blue until you opened your eyes and saw that blue was everywhere. Your mind was focused on another goal.
No matter what happens. If you see yourself as someone who’s good with women, you’ll find the lessons in every interaction that will take you closer to being that person you are focused on being.
The Twin Brothers Analogy
Two twins were born into a household of an abusive father. One became a successful business man and the other became a drug addict. Unbeknownst to each other, the twins were asked why they ended up the way they did; they both answered the same way: what else did you expect? I was raised with an abusive father.
One saw themselves as a victim, and the other saw themselves as someone who was able to overcome any obstacle. Their self image filtered and interpreted the events to fit the person who they envisioned. They were similar on the outside, but completely different on the inside. One produced success and the other, failure. What was the difference? What they thought of themselves.
Knowing this, are you going to continue saying, “I never got girls because I wasn’t born good looking” or are you going to say, “I had to learn how to pick up girls because I wasn’t born good looking?”
2. “Believe nothing. No matter where you read it, or who said it. No matter if I have said it. Unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense” – The Buddha
Ever since we were children, our personalities, values and beliefs were molded by society in such a way that we never question our socially acquired beliefs that been handed down from generation to generation.
Keep in mind that the culture we live in is not as comfortable with the topic of sex as I believe we should be.
In our society the perception of sex has been shaped in such a way that we conceptualize it as a passage to manhood, as an indication of our worth. Men are also in a bind because our culture tells us that in order to get women we have to comply with a superficial value system that says: money, looks and showering women with gifts will make them attracted to you. But that hardly, if ever, works.
Now we have a predicament: the majority of men believe that getting the hottest girl means that they are attractive and worth something. But the majority of men are not armed with the necessary skills to meet and attract women because they have a false set of beliefs of how to really attract women. That’s why guys show off to women by showing them how much money they have because that’s what they believe gets them.
And because we never questioned our beliefs, we embrace these limiting belief about attracting women and since most men never make it to the point where they can show off what they have, it causes men to lose confidence because “they don’t measure up”.
The reason why most guys never escape this reality is because, ever since we were children, we were punished whenever we questioned things or challenged common assumptions. Staying quite and docile was rewarded.
On a mass scale, we’ve been wrong about a lot of things in the past — racism, opinions, religion — so could we all be wrong about what it really takes to attract women?
By simply questioning your beliefs, and researching other people who were able to get what you want out of life, you’ll be able to handle the social pressure to ‘stop what you’re doing and come back to reality.’
Why do I have to limit myself to just meeting women through a friend or my social circle? Why do I have to hide the fact that I enjoy going about my day and approaching women I’m attracted to? Why do I feel the need to hide my screen whenever I’m on an online dating site in public?
These are the questions you’ll begin asking yourself when you begin to dictate your own reality and let go of hand-me-down limiting beliefs.
Some people will like the new you, others won’t. But who cares really? You’re free, my man!
3. “It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you…”
The best advice I’ve ever gotten about meeting women was, “don’t game her, game yourself”. In other words, don’t do things to get a reaction out of her; do things to get a reaction from yourself.
Don’t measure success on the outcome, whether or not you got laid, because the majority of the time you won’t get laid. Take back control of your life and measure success on something you actually can control: your emotional reaction.
If you’re asking yourself these questions before approaching a women, you’re focusing on gaming her:
“hmm how can I approach that chick?”
“what can I say that will make her laugh?”
“damn, what can I do to kiss her?
But if you’re focusing on gaming yourself, you’re going to be asking yourself the following questions:
“Hmmm how can I approach that girl and have fun while I’m at it?”
“what can I do or say that’ll make myself laugh?”
If you say a joke, the intention behind telling her the joke is not meant to make her laugh, but to make yourself laugh.
You’re focusing on pumping up your own state rather than focusing on making her laugh because ‘that’s what girls do when they like a guy’.
People are drawn to fun whenever they know that their participation isn’t needed. Being at a bad party is bad enough, but being the only one who came is even worse because leaving will break the host’s little heart.
It may sound silly, but as soon I began focusing on making myself laugh, I noticed women became more attracted to me. They gave me the look of “I don’t know what to think of this guy, but this dude’s fun”; they were offering to give me their numbers, and obviously, more girls were coming home with me.
“Do not speak, unless it improves silence” -The Buddha
Do not resist the natural silence that occurs whenever you interact with women. There are times when both parties have nothing to say, and it feels awkward
Guys naturally attempt to break the awkward silence by saying something. That’s perfectly normal.
But there are times when silence can be good, and learning to embrace the silence shows how confident you are as a person.
In the past, whenever there was silence between me and a woman, my instinct was to break eye contact and think of something to say. Since women are a reflection of our realities, she would also go into her head and begin to think logically (not good for creating attraction) of what to say next.
What I wish I knew back then was that that if I just learned to relax into the pressure of trying to fix the silence and maintain eye contact; the woman would follow my lead and relax as well. When two people are able to feel comfortable in silence, it’s always a sign that they have some sort of connection.
If there’s an awkward silence and she looks around because she feels awkward, just tell her to look at you and then smile. I prefer to get her attention with a “Hey!”, tell her to hold my hand and hold eye contact.
This is what I genuinely do because I’m naturally a very touchy and caring person. For example, this is what I would do if a loved one was going through a tough time.
Let her talk more and speak less
Another interpretation of this quote is to speak less and let her speak as much as she wants.
Most guys speak more in order to show how cool they are. Don’t do that. Leave some mystery on the side.
What I try to do is limit the amount of “cool” things (even though it isn’t much) that I’ll say about myself and get her to talk more.
There are four reasons why you should talk less:
- It gets you out of the habit of saying things just to impress her and you’ll learn to finally listen. FINALLY!!!!
- Saying less will reduce the chance of screwing up (even though it doesn’t really matter), and it gives you a mysterious vibe.
- Since she’s talking about herself and her passions which are associated with positive emotions, whenever she thinks back on the interaction, the associations she’ll have with you are linked up with positive emotions. Her attraction will be made up of raw emotions.
- By speaking less, you’ll be perceived as more mysterious, and the likelihood of her being extra curious about you increases.
Don’t be one of those guys and take it literal like, “So you mean don’t add to the conversation and don’t say anything about myself, right? Right?!” No, if she’s obviously interested in you, talk, man! Just learn to be curious, shut up and listen.
I could go on forever because there are COUNTLESS other lessons I’ve learned from Buddhism that helped me in meeting and attracting women.
But just remember the following:
- Perception is reality. Change your mind, change your life. Change how you see yourself in your mind’s eye first and then take action.
- Question everything! Just because we’ve been right about a few things in the past doesn’t mean we’re currently right about everything.
- Develop your own opinions and don’t be afraid to go against the grain. If you feel like doing something but some people in your life are not going to like it, ignore them! You only live once.
- Focus on gaming yourself and stop focusing on getting a reaction out of her
- Become comfortable with silence. It’s OK if there’s an awkward silence. Just observe the reaction inside of you, relax into it and practice being comfortable in silence. You can also use silence as a tool to create attraction by intentionally inputting some awkward silences during the interaction just to self amuse yourself. Silence is your friend, my friend.