Joke of the day: How many “friend zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won’t screw.
Note: This article is 3200 words, you download the pdf n here and save it for later.
A couple days ago I came across Andrian’s (not Adrian) article, and I loved it so much that I felt compelled to write my own version.
The only difference is that I focused more on making girls chase, but it also extends to your professional life. You’ll learn simply and effective techniques to build comfort freakishly fast and get people to actually want to listen to you.
Yup, for once someone will wants to listen to you 😉
Since I’m the type to keep it 100, and transparent, I also got some of social hacks you’ll read from Ameer.
So with that being said, lets get to it!
1. Shut the f*ck up…
I may need to work on this one, but nothing is more annoying than talking to someone who doesn’t know when to shut up. Who keeps talking about themselves without ever showing any interest in your response.
One of my favorite things to do on a date is to try to get her to talk more about herself than anything else. People feel good whenever they talk about themselves, and things they’re proud of.
It may seem like they’re not getting to know you, but they are. They’re going to think back and link the positive emotions they were feeling back to you. Its like a song you hear in your head, but being unable to recite the lyrics even though you can hear it in your head.
In the same way, the things you say are the lyrics of the song, but the emotions they feel are the music behind the lyrics.
They remember how you make them feel and that’s how they determine if they want to see you again or not.
2. Pay attention to the feet and torso
Whenever you introduce yourself to a group of people, pay attention to their feet.
If the group turn their feet and torso towards you, it means you’re welcomed to speak.
But if they don’t turn their feet and torso towards you, it means maybe you should come over some other time.
You don’t want to be that guy who’s known for a lack of social intuition.
3. A simple way to deescalate an argument
On the show Jerry Springer, you know sh*t’s going down whenever the two guests get in each other’s face. That’s because getting in someone’s face makes you potential threat. It’s a defense mechanism.
The solution to this is simple: stand next to them. That’s a simple way to deescalate an argument.
4.Compliment someone’s smile
Complimenting people’s smile is one of the best compliments you can give to anyone. You can just say something like, “you have an amazing smile” or, “how do you get your teeth so white? They’re amazing!”
It works because its something everyone (men, women, children, bosses) wants to hear.
Can you imagine someone going to HR saying, “ugh he was so disrespectful, he said I have an amazing smile!” It wouldn’t make any sense!
Just don’t use it on people who don’t have an amazing smile. People can see when you’re not being genuine.
ps: I would love to hear that I have an amazing smile too 🙁
5. Cut lemon face. Smile, dude!
If you want to come across as a warm and approachable person, smiling is the best tool in our toolbox. In “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, smiling is the number one nonverbal cue.
Just don’t be a weirdo and have a ‘fixated-creepy-joker-miss-Universe’ forced smile. Make it genuine. Actually feel good inside. If you don’t feel good inside, meditate. That helps 🙂
6. Just take it nice and slow. Don’t rush it
If you want to sound interesting, credible, and confident, speak slower. People who speak fast come off as nervous, and of low value.
So go out there and grab people by their proverbial ears and slow down your speech!
7. Become aware of your breathe
Next time you speak to someone, shift your focus from what you’re going to say next to your breath. Doing this calms the thinking mind and puts you in a relaxed state.
Because of people’s mirror neurons, their defenses will lower and feel comfortable around you. Who knew that being aware of your breathe has such an impact on social interactions?
8. Be present
When you try to make an impression it makes the interaction feel fake and disingenuous. You’re not enjoying the interaction, you’re focusing on what to say next. That’s what trying to manage impressions does to you.
And trying not to think of what to say next worsens the problem, so what should you do?
Here’s an analogy: the only way to not think of a pink elephant is to think of a yellow elephant. Which means to shift your attention from thinking to awareness.
Become aware of the how the person’s voice resonates in your ear. Or listen to the person as you focus on feeling your feet or any other body part.
People will notice that you’re paying attention because your not own head. You’re only focusing on them.
9. Validate others by listening
Validation is making people feel good about themselves. The simplest form of validation is through listening. Everybody wants to think that they have something special to say.
So if someone’s talking about something they value, rephrase what they just said to you. You’ll come across as a good listener that actually cares about what they have to say (don’t be a dick, care 🙂 ).
10. The 7 to 1 rule
I know I suggested to make steady eye contact, and that’s all fine and dandy, just don’t be a creep. Don’t pierce a hole through their eye by making eye contact and never looking away. Relax. Give em a break!
The 7 to 1 rule is simple: 7 seconds of eye contact, then glance away for 1 second.
So remember, when in doubt, the 7 to 1 rule is there to help!
11. Make eye contact while you speak
We expect people to look away from time to time but when you’re talking, you have to maintain eye.
When you maintain eye contact, people listen more, and you can get instant feedback through their nonverbal cues.
12. Use eye contact to show interest
It’s challenging to communicate that you’re interested in someone in a group setting… But I have a solution!
All you have to do is, on occasions, glance at the person you have the hots for (pow chika wow wow!). If they don’t look back, you tried, look away and don’t be a creep. But if they make eye contact, smile, and/or do something silly like stick out your tongue like a child. It shows that you’re not concerned with making an impression, but having fun.
13. The feet speak for the heart
If you’re out on a date and your date’s feet is not facing you, then you have a long way to go; its a sign of disinterest. But if their feet is facing you, chances ( I mean chances, not definite!!) are they have the hots for you.
14. Be touchy
Whenever I meditate and I feel an inner peace and oneness with all things that it affects the way I talk to people. It causes me feel genuine affection towards everyone, and I’m more touchy and comforting. People tend to open up and act friendlier as a result of it.
The key is that not to do it on purpose, but as an expression of how you feel.
Don’t believe me?
A study at the University of Minnesota setup its participants find a coin in a phone booth. The experimenters were to ask the participants if they found they found a coin in the phone booth.
Only 23 percent of the control group were honest enough to admit that they found the coin and gave it back.
When the experimenters asked if they found a coin and added a light touch on the elbow, 68 percent were honest. A whopping 45 percent increase in honesty just by touching their elbows!
Touching applies to other areas. When waitresses lightly touched the hand of customers, tips increased from 12% to 17%.
It doesn’t end there. Research at the University of Berkeley noticed that NBA teams “who’s players touched the most (slaps, hugs, taps, or bumps_ were more cooperative, played better and won more games.”
Just make sure to use social intuition because touching in the wrong context can get you in trouble.
15. Ask for favors
If you want to bring the best out of people, make them feel like they’re helping someone out. Studies show that people’s happier when they give than when they get.
If you want to increase your likability, ask for a favor. When the favor is quick, easy, and simple, most people would do it with a smile. Just don’t be a d*ck and overdo it. Example:
Before going on a date, ask your date if they can stop by and get you a bottle of water or some gum from the corner store.
Your date is investing in the interaction before you even meet. That’s always a good thing.
16. The power of Yawn
Ever hear of the Power of Now? Well now we have The Power of Yawn baby!
I learned about “the Power of Yawn” from my late night train rides after a night of gaming and reddit.
I got a lot of numbers by just yawning. Yes, yawning. I’ll be sitting in the train, half awake and when I yawn other people notice and yawn as well.
You can use this as a golden opportunity get break the ice with a girl or guy you like.
Since yawning is contagious, and an attractive girl is close to you and tired, she’ll yawn back. When she yawns, make eye contact, and something silly like poke your tongue out at her or ask for her name.
This is also a great way to know if a girl was checking you out.
Yawning is not limited to late night train rides, but as a way to break the ice at the library, bar, club, and yes… even CHURCH!
Yawn to break that ice baby!
17. Assume Comfort
I remember I used to get nervous anytime I had a date or when I had to go to an interview. I’ve always wondered why I acted normal when I was around friends, but not around strangers?
Then I noticed that my comfort level was not based on what I knew about the person, but how the person made me feel.
To assume comfort, just imagine that you’re talking to an old friend. . In return, you’ll feel a natural curiosity that will make you feel compelled to get to know them. Their mirror neurons will mirror yours which means they’ll what you feel about them.
18. Nod to get people to agree with you
If you want your message to be more impact, nod while you’re speaking to get the person to agree with you.
If you built good rapport up until this point , they’ll mirror you by nodding as well. This will make them more open to your suggestion. Their guards are down and they’re taking anything you say with open ears.
WARNING: Be careful about using this technique because it can be highly manipulative.
19. Want to know if someone’s listening? Fold your arms
If you want to test whether someone’s listening to you fold your arms. If they’re listening, their mirror neurons would compelled them to fold their arms.
Rapport causes people to mirror each other’s body language. The person who speaks leads, and the person who listens, follows.
That’s why you notice when two people are on a good date, their body language match. If one picks up the cup to drink water, the other one will do the same. If one person crosses their leg, the other one will cross their leg as well.
But if people are not on a good date, their synchronicity will reflect that. Their body language are not aligned, their breathing at a different pace, and so on.
Just remember there’s always an exception to the rule. Sometimes people are in rapport and they don’t mirror each other. But for the most part if they’re listening and interested, they’ll most likely mimic you.
20. Eyes on the price baby!
Have you ever talked to someone who avoided eye contact or awkward look away? Doesn’t it feel awkward?
Studies show that we are less trusting of those who don’t make or maintain steady eye contact.
21. Get them in a curious state
To get a girls chase, you have to make them curious about you. To get someone’s interest in what you have to say, just say this: you know what, you kinda surprised me…” Pause and let them respond. They’ll always respond with, “why?”
Now you got their undivided attention.
Your response can be anything. Just be genuine about it. If they looked like an artist, and they’re actually in business, say it! Everyone wants to know what others think about them.
Just make sure its a good surprise. Not something like “you surprised me, I thought you were a nice person, but you’re sort of a d*ck!”
Don’t get beat up.
It has to be a positive, as in, “you know what? You kinda surprised me. You looked like a shy individual, you’re outgoing!”
Everyone likes to feel like they’re making a good impression. It enhances their self image and increases their self esteem. If you become a source of positive emotions, you’ll become a “sticky” person.
22. Be first
If you want someone to tell you a secret you have to go first. If you want someone to open up, be the first one to open up.
I’m not saying that people will reciprocate all the time, but the likelihood increases. Just like the chances of getting invited to a party increases if you take the lead and invite them first.
23. Do this to remember names
We all struggle to remember names. Sometimes I even forget that I asked for their name. But this is how you fix the problem of forgetting names (I never follow this advice because I always forget. Promise myself to do it).
Use a mnemonic device. Link their name with something or someone you already know. For example, if their name is Jonny, think of Jonny Bravo. If her name is Grace, think of Amazing Grace, or Saving Grace. If her name is James, think of her as “King James”.
Another method you can use is repeating their name while conversating. Example:
“What’s your name?”
“My name is Jessica!”
“Awesome, nice to meet you Jessica. Where are you from Jessica?”
Just don’t say their names after every sentence. Use common sense, man.
25. “I know you’d do the same for me”
Whenever somebody thanks you for doing a favor for them, say to them “I know you’d do the same for me”.
Because you’ll come across as a great person and it makes feel the need to reciprocate. For the most part, when someone returns a favor, its usually more than you first gave.
If you did them a small favor, they’ll do you a bigger favor compared to what you did for them.
26. Use time constraint (taking it old school!!!)
Have you ever been in a public setting and a stranger tried to start a conversation? It feels uncomfortable when the conversation is going to end.
Having this “when’s this guy gonna leave already?” feeling sets barriers between you and the person. Nothing you say will get through if they want you to leave.
The solution is simple: use a time constraint like, “I have to go but I was wondering…”
The benefits are two fold: 1) It becomes easier to build rapport when they know you won’t stick around. And 2) if you happen to be interesting, they’ll listen because they know you’re about to leave.
27. A good impression is all about how you make the other person feel
Stop focusing on trying to impress them with your personality or with your accomplishments.
Focus on making them feel good, and what subject do people love to speak about? Themselves!
If I someone gets me to talk about my passions, I’ll naturally invest more in the interaction. It doesn’t matter who the person is. And at the end of our conversation, I’ll associate the good feelings I felt to them. Even if they didn’t say a word, I’ll still feel like I got to know them.
Making a good impression is all about making people feel good. Everyone has a level of narcissism, and feeding it from time to time never hurt anybody.
28. When meeting someone new, feel excitement
This is the reason why we love our pets and children: they get excited whenever they see you.
For the most part, when we meet strangers, most people feel neutral.
So how do you stand out from the pack? Easy, just feel genuinely excited when meeting someone new. Not the fake “I’m excited”, but an effortless “I’m excited”.
To feel excited, use your imagination and imagine meeting someone you’re genuinely excited about. Then hold on to that feeling and feel that while you interact with them.
Another technique is asking yourself: what would it feel like if I felt excited to meet this person?
Feeling genuinely excited to meet someone will cause you to sub communicate excitement. It’s better to sub-communicate something than to say it directy. People feel it at a deeper level and it’ll come across as genuine and congruent.
People will love you for that because few people actually have a genuine reaction of excitement at meeting them.
If I was light skinned and someone did this, I’d blush.
29. If someone’s being a dick to you; forgive them
When a girl acts like a bitch to me or a guy tries to clown me, I don’t get angry or defensive. Instead, I think to myself, “Aww I forgive you man. You’re acting like this because you don’t know me. IF you knew me they wouldn’t be this mean to me. It’s ok man :)”.
As corny as it sounds: love trumps all. This is why you should meditate, it helps you see through people’s bullshit and see their true selves.
Also, forgiving people helps you keep your cool and deal with rejection in a healthier manner.
30. If someone gives you advice, come back with results (there’s a reason why I left this for last)
The last tip in my arsenal is If you want to impress someone, ask for advice and tell them the results.
You can use this in dating, networking, and with your family and friends. Nothing’s more flattering than knowing someone took my advice and shows me the proof.
It enhances the person’s self image and they will see you as a competent individual. So if you read some good advice (ahem) and you apply it, go back to the person and let them know how you did. They’ll thank you for it!
31. The only two text messages you’ll ever need
“We don’t have to hang out” & “You can just delete my number”
I use these whenever I think the girl may bail out on our date or appears to be losing attraction.
When you send this message the girl will do two of the following: 1) she’ll say ok and agree with you (you just saved yourself a lot of time and heartbreak), or 2) she’ll apologize and show more interest. Either way, you can’t lose.
Now that you know, go out there and use these tips. Don’t get in the habit of being an intellectual junkie; someone who only reads but never applies.
Actually get in the habit of reading and doing. So let me know if you use some of this advice and write a comment to tell me how it went (also it’ll make me feel happy).
Oh, two things before you go: 1) if you know other social hacks please comment and share it with me. I want to update this in a few months or so; 2) don’t forget to subscribe!