I spoke with Victor Pierantoni of Zen Stoic Mastery to discuss how he approaches coaching and self-development. He helps people in their personal and professional life to improve their health and vitality.
Vic is a mentee of Adam Lyons, one of the top dating coaches in the world. We met through Adam 8 years ago.
The thing that blew him away about having a mentor is that when you have a second set of eyes looking at what you're doing, you stop taking your own stories and beliefs as gospel, even the negative ones. We could have limiting beliefs about ourselves and we would take them as the truth - things like I'm not good enough to achieve x.
When you have a mentor who has been there and walked that path, they can identify the limiting patterns that they may have gone through and you're going through now.
It really helps to have that second set of eyes and it compresses the time it takes to actually achieve your goals.
When I asked him about how he chose Adam as his mentor, he said that he not only looked at Adam’s achievements but his overall lifestyle as well. Adam has a family, he's building a business that he really believes in, and he's able to have fun with whatever hobbies he chooses.
Adam lives a very congruent lifestyle. He is compelled by his mission while being able to spend time with his kids and hobbies.
Vic says that there's a difference between a mentor and coach. A mentor is someone who has been there and done that. A coach is someone who doesn't necessarily have experience in your field because they're more about understanding the psychology of what it takes to succeed in anything.
When it comes to creating lasting change, it requires a shift of somebody’s model of the world. As human beings, we always communicate to ourselves and others in the form of stories.
We’re not necessarily making logical statements and thoughts. We think we are. We frame it that way in our heads, but really, it's a narrative that we're buying into. As long as somebody is living the same story of their limitations, they’re always going to continue in that.
In order to break a story or change it, we have to understand why it's being told in the first place. That is called the positive intention. If you can see the positive intention behind your negative behaviors, and actually come from a place of appreciation, then you begin to change.
When most people don't change, one of the things that they get wrong is they judge themselves for the negative behavior. They don't take time to actually acknowledge why they're doing it.
Anytime you're helping somebody break a bad habit, what you need to understand is that everybody who has tried to give them advice on it has tried to tell them what to do and tell them why it's so bad. The people who gave them advice did not take a moment to understand why and step into that person's universe - their model of how they perceive everything. If you can show and convey to somebody that you get it, you're going to have an easier time in leading them down the path toward what they actually want.
You also need to know what their reasons are for wanting to change. The reasons need to be big enough. As human beings, we need an incentive to move forward. If we don't perceive it's going to meet our needs, we won't do it. We need to figure out what's the reason to change.
We discuss this in greater detail in my course.... click here.