Men who are emotionally unavailable are men who have been hurt. They are emotionally scarred. We believe that the right thing is for a guy to get married and have kids. We value guys who are husband material, downgrade those who are not. But that’s based on your culture and not on who you are as a person and if you are emotionally stable.
First, have the right definition.
Guys who don't want to commit doesn't mean him emotionally unavailable. Men who are emotionally unavailable are guys who suppress their emotions not because they're playing the game but because of fear. They’re sensitive. That’s being emotionally unavailable. You don't put yourself out there because you're afraid of being hurt.
Your identity is pretty much tied to your emotions.
Some days you don't feel like yourself. If you feel good, you’re a happy person. A very good way to change your personality is to simply change how you feel.
Realize that guys get hurt in their childhood.
When you’re a child, you don't know how to cope with negative emotions. You are mentally weak and easily influenced. There's no hard language, you learn anything.
Guys who experience a lot of pain and rejection and can't manage that emotion.
He cannot deal with it, so as a result, he suppressed it. Sometimes he doesn’t even remember that pain but that pattern keeps perpetuating itself until he’s used to it. So what you need to do then is to get him to be himself, get to that part where he was hurt, that part he is running away from. Give him a desire that wasn't given to him as a child.
They’re afraid to commit.
That’s why you got to talk and listen to him. Notice what he reacts to, notice what kind of words annoy him, things he hates in people the most and the quality he loves. If he doesn't like it, he lacked it. If he loves it, he needed it. Try to help him in those areas. Don't impose that on him. Act out what you believe what he needs, let him see it. They take a lot of nurturing.
Find out what makes him react.
Know what pisses him off. If he does not have a father, give him direction. Be the embodiment of what he lacked. Notice when he openly admits to be weak and help him out. Find a way to communicate that you’re willing to be there when he needs assistance by asking the right questions. Show them you care. This kind of stuff really gets to him.
Don’t chase after them.
The more we try to chase them to make them commit, those who are emotionally unavailable, the more we are going to drive them away.
Our neediness only lives through our unconsciousness of its existence. By giving him the things that he never had as a child, you’re in a way regressing him. By regressing him into this past, you allow him to experience and heal the things that he never had.
Have fun. Learn to be uninhibited.
People gonna want to be themselves around you. They learn to let go of their emotions. Remind people of their childhood, remind them of good times. The ones that scare us the most are the ones that bring us the most happiness. You don't have to bring the memory to feel the emotion, you just have to experience the emotion of a child. Bring out the best in people and sometimes the best doesn't equal happiness and productivity but sometimes, it’s depression, sadness. Because that’s the most important thing that needs the person’s attention.
You gotta bring him up. Having a bit of narcissism won't hurt as well. Punishment brings pain but at the end of it, it helps you realize you’re wrong. You deal with the emotion through you.
Give him space.
That space is done through backing off, by making him chase. When you create that space, natural narcissism, it will make the guy insecure. Help him regress him to his childhood and feel the anger, the fear of abandonment. Yes, there’s hate but there’s also love and that’s how you create the attachment.
Have an aura of independence.
That makes a guy wanna tame you. It will cause him to be dependent on you. Have other people around you compete for your attention. Be independent. Instill jealousy, not by saying you have other guys, but by being unattached. It’s a way to regress him.
Withdraw sexual favors.
Do it to tease him, not revenge.
Stand out to the guy by being cold.
Make him be the one who needs your attention by showing what you can potentially give him, only small doses. So he knows what’s coming.
So the steps are attention, affection and being cold at the same time.
We discuss this in greater detail in my course.... click here.