Many girls get interested with whatever their guy is into. They lose themselves and do what a guy likes in order to impress him.
That's ok, but if you always have to change your personality, that's a problem. Every guy is going to sense that there's really nothing there. It's just somebody who wants to be who they are.
Another cause of bad personality is defensiveness. Notice how often you defend yourself. Notice how often people offend you. Notice how often you’re walking around in pain.
Notice the things people do that make you feel angry. Let's say that you hate it when guys do something. You're always watching out for guys not to do that. You're always walking around defensive.
What causes a good personality?
1. Indefensiveness. It enables you to accept good concepts and embrace the unknown. I tell myself that maybe I'm wrong about some things that I feel certain about.
Being indefensive lowers inhibition in others. It opens them up to influence.
It's also about being ok with what happens. If a person doesn't like you, you're ok with it.
2. Not being afraid to feel pain. You don't mind offending people. When you want to say no, you say no.
3. Having compassion for yourself.
It's attractive because it's different.
5. Being present in the moment.
6. Forgiveness. Children forget because of a lack of ego. When you’re present in the moment, you forget about the past.
There is a part of human nature that struggles to forgive people. What you do about that is to have compassion for yourself. There are some things about us that we cannot change.
Forgive yourself, especially for the mistakes that you've done in the past.
7. You are attuned to the pleasures of life. You see them and you’re more positive. You're focused on having fun. You're not focusing on how to impress somebody. You think, ‘How can I have fun right now?’ as opposed to ‘How can I make them like me?’
Allow yourself to let go of the emotional barriers that are preventing you from having fun in the moment.
8. The ability to show weakness and innocence. It's the ability to be ok with being wrong sometimes.
Weakness is all about showing that you have pain inside. People relate to it a lot more compared to the good things in your life.
9. Having a curiosity for life. You have a sense of wonder. It's not only that you have a curiosity for understanding facts, it’s also about not acting like you know everything.
You also want to know about people. You want to hear people's life story.
Steps toward having a good personality:
1. Remove your inhibitions. Notice the moments of pain and need. Notice when you're talking to someone and they make you feel insecure. Notice how that feels.
2. Notice defensiveness. When you argue with someone, notice your own bias.
3. Dropping the past and letting go of expectations. I notice my reaction if ever a girl would cancel on a date.
4. Self-acceptance - the good and the bad. Meditate and smile at yourself. There's nothing wrong with failing and not getting the results that you want.
5. A self-image towards having a good personality. According to Psycho-Cybernetics, how you see yourself is how you act.
6. See others with compassion.
7. Be yourself. You were born with an uninhibited self, but as you grew up, you became jaded. Notice your judgment and hesitation. Notice your boundaries.
8. Attack your fears by experiencing them.
9 Hone in on the emotion of fun. Consistently ask yourself, ‘How can I have fun?’ That’s what children think. If the brutality of life has inhibited you, it's very hard to have fun. Let go of your adult exterior and learn to express yourself.
10 Use the pain in your life and attack it by observing it. If you're shy, be extroverted. If you’re social, learn to be ok with not talking to people. Put yourself in situations that you fear the most.
That’s how you grow.
We discuss this in greater detail in my course.... click here.