People are shy not because of their nature. Their shyness comes from their reaction to certain events.
Most humans behave based and social feedback. We're always pinging off each other to know whether or not we should behave in a certain way.
You could be shy due to associating pain with getting attention. Your solution is to hide away in your own cocoon of insecurity and only come out when it's necessary.
When attention is placed upon you, you get in your head and your brain creates an imaginary perception of you. What happens is either you run away from the situation or you try hard to remove the awkwardness.
You then start acting out of character because you're trying to project something that you're not in order to gain the other person's acceptance.
I'm going to show you how to derive confidence and express yourself so that when you act, you're acting from a place in your mind.
1. Become aware of your reactions. Notice the different flux of confidence in different situations. When people try to overcome shyness, they try to forcefully be confident because they're trying to project something.
You don't notice it, but people notice when you're trying. You should first become aware of yourself.
Put yourself proactively in a situation where you're going to be nervous. Put yourself in a proactive place just to be aware of how you’ll react.
If a guy approaches you, stay there. Notice your reaction. I'm not asking you to change. I'm just asking you to notice your reaction.
When you're talking to your parents, you'll notice that your personality changes. If you are suppressing a part of you in front of your parents, notice that.
Notice the moments when you go up in confidence and when you go lower in confidence.
When you're talking to someone, ask yourself, 'What's going on inside me at this moment?’When do you begin to doubt yourself?
When you stop thoughts of doubt you may feel an emotion, but there's no resistance. You may feel awkward, but the personality that you project because of your desire to not feel awkward Is no longer there.
What's there is your true self. When you're talking to someone, practice noticing the feel of your hand or your breath. That's going to remove the negative aspects of yourself slowly but surely.
2. When you're talking to someone, ask yourself, ‘What can I say right now to have fun?’ Usually, what you're thinking is, ‘What can I do to impress him?’ Your attention is in them.
Rather than doing things to get people's validation, ask yourself what you can do in that moment to have fun. From your perspective, you're doing things for yourself and not for them.
You’re expressing yourself. Having fun is not something that you do, it's something that you are.
3. Feel your breath or even the soles of your feet when you're talking to someone. Your focus will no longer be in your thoughts. Your focus will move from self-doubt to awareness.
Now anything you say will not come from a lack of confidence. It will come from a source of self-esteem.
When you bring awareness to whatever you do, the unconscious becomes conscious. Usually, the only reason why you have confidence is because you have a lot of unconscious presumptions about who you are. Now you'll be processing those negative emotions.
4. Visualize yourself being confident. Visualize how you want other people to react to you. Don't visualize yourself reacting to them.
If you visualize how people perceive you, the behavior of your imaginary self is going to match the reaction.
Visualize people absolutely loving you and you acting calm and at ease. See that image 10 minutes a day and ask yourself, ‘What would confidence mean? How would a confident self act throughout the whole day?’
Make those images clear and vivid.
We discuss this in greater detail in my course.... click here.