Today, I will show you an example of what society, and people in general, use to control your behavior. You’ll see how shame is used to mold your personality. This is something that people don't notice because it is such a common part of our lives.
One of the primary tools used to control people is shame. We are social creatures so we react to other people’s judgments and expectations of us. Studies show that we conform to each other’s expectations as well as society’s.
You think that your personality came from yourself, but in reality, your personality was molded by society.
Who you are is not really who you want to be. That's why a lot of people have conflicted relationships with themselves. They were molded by society and had to compromise their values in order to fit in with the whole.
This is something that, when you see, will be eye-opening. You can use this information to improve your life.
In the video you'll see Simon of 7th Heaven hanging out with his friends. He was just being himself and shooting the shit with them not knowing that his teacher and his mom were watching.
Simon and the other kids were acting without any inhibitions and not thinking twice.
After seeing what they were doing, both the teacher and his mom showed them looks of disapproval. They felt ashamed with their behavior.
Simon represents who you are and the adults represent society and how they used shame and guilt in order to control his behavior.
This is what happens in society where you are a certain way and people in your life whose opinion matter to you say that's not the right thing to do.
The problem is people use that to fulfil their own agendas. An example would be parents who have a certain mentality as to how they want their kids to behave.
You think you know your child, but in reality, there's something else that he's not showing you.
Simon is going to change his behavior. The problem is that the vehicle used to promote the change was shame and guilt.
He is changing his behavior but at the cost of his self-esteem. He feels like being himself is not right.
Being himself has caused him trouble. He’s learned that in order for him to get validation from the people who matter to him. He needs to behave in a certain way.
That’s why people begin to have fronts. They have secrets about them that they don’t reveal to other people. People change and resent it in the process because they can’t be themselves.
That’s how you’ve been changed. You think you’re yourself, but in reality, who you currently are is more a reaction to your actions. It’s your emotional response in an attempt to get people’s validation.
You acted a certain way through your inherent self, but society told you that they don’t like it. They sent their message across not through encouragement and positive reinforcement, but through negative reinforcement - using shame and guilt.
That’s how we’ve all been taught to behave.
When this happens to you, rather than feel the surge of shame, observe it and notice those barriers. Notice the emotion that tells you to get into your little cocoon of insecurity.
Those surges keep your personality suppressed. You’re going to experience a lot of fear because you’ll be doing things that your parents don’t like.
They’re going to judge you at first, but after a while they’re going to get used to it. Then, they’re going to leave you alone, but you’ve got to get through the initial resistance.
People’s own resistance comes from their own insecurity.
Before you change anything, first observe where you are. When you see it, you can either say you don’t give a fuck or you could react to it.
The difference is that now you’re you’re doing it with a choice. You’re not an automaton anymore.
We discuss this in greater detail in my course.... click here.