My client, Tiffany, started dating a guy she knew back in high school. After not seeing each other for 11 to 12 years, they started dating 4 months ago.
She was shocked that he asked to get out of the friend zone and pursue a relationship with her.
They were both really into each other. They would meet two to three times a week. He had been a gentleman by doing things such as pulling the chair or the door for her. He even introduced her to his mom.
I told her that, even though things looked good, she made a mistake by not setting barriers in the beginning.
You want to say no a few times. If you allow yourself to Indulge in the compulsion to be around a guy, you end up overstimulating him. He will like you, but since you’ve been there too much, he'll get tired of you
A lot of guys ghost not because of your worth as an individual, but because of how the human brain naturally adapts to stimulus.
Learn to withhold in the beginning.
Tiffany said that she never initiated a meet up unless he wanted to. He is the one who would text her first.
In the third month of them dating, things started to get messed up when she invited him on a little trip. They went away for a few days.
After that, he started pulling away from her in text messages. He wouldn't text her as much. She remembered him being distant during the trip too.
She mentioned that he’s never been in a serious relationship before.
The week after the trip, she asked to meet up in order to talk. He told her that he was overwhelmed and they need to take things slow. She was surprised by this considering that she's been following his pace all along.
She asked him to text her the following weekend what his thoughts are. He didn't text. Tiffany greeted him through text on Monday and he replied, ‘Good morning.’ She said that she's been thinking about him but he never texted back.
She got upset about how she feels that she finally got a good man, but she's now losing him.
What happened is that the guy was used to having his own space. However, he felt overwhelmed with constantly having her around. He needed to have some ‘me’ time.
A guy wouldn't tell you that he needs some space because he doesn't want to offend you. It was probably too much for him.
This same thing happened to me when I spent two full days with a girl. Afterwards, I didn't want her around.
I only wanted her back when I suddenly noticed a guy commenting on her social media. It stuck with me not because I stopped liking her, but because I realized that you don't know how much you value something until you notice someone else valuing it. The potential of losing it comes into your mind.
What she needs to do is back-off. Her comfort zone is being in a relationship. When a guy is not used to being in a relationship, things get a little bit too much for him.
She can ask some of her guy friends to comment more on her social media. The fear of losing her to someone else puts him in a sexually competitive state. When a guy gets into that state, he will automatically chase her.
We discuss this in greater detail in my course.... click here.