‘Just be yourself’ is a horrible advice. If people were actually themselves in relationships, murders will be happening on a daily basis. A human being who is himself will look after his self-interest.
The advice ‘just be yourself’ is a strategy. When you're being yourself, that just means you have to bring out all your demons as well. If you're jealous, you have to tell the guy you're jealous. If you suck at conversations, you have to deal with that fact. You won't try to work on it.
People assume that humans are static. It's an ignorant view of humans. People believe that who you are is perfect. F*** no! Who you are is broken.
Most people are jaded. Most people have been f***** over by life. To expect people to be themselves after they have been shattered and broken by life's brutality is pretty ignorant.
It shows me that you are looking at people for your own experience. The truth is that when life hits you hard, it's hard to be yourself because you don't know who you are. You get rejected for being yourself and then, suddenly, you start noticing that if you offer too much of yourself you get rejected. Then, you start backing off.
Now you don't know who you are. You date a guy and start having an interest in punk rock. The next guy gets you into skateboarding. The next guy made you start shooting hoops. You take on the tastes of the next guy.
It's sad because you can never be yourself. Who you are is not static. Who you are is always changing.
What I think about that advice is that it's bullshit. It's a lazy advice. It's an advice that says don't work on yourself.
If you realize that you have to work on yourself, that means you’ve got to work. That means you’ve got to face yourself, your bullshit, your insecurities, and the pain you've been avoiding.
Nothing sucks more than having to see who you are and finding out that it's not enough. However, nothing is more liberating than finding out that you could change. You could improve upon yourself.
We discuss this in greater detail in my course.... click here.