When learning how to be more confident with women, it’s important to ask yourself this question: What would it look like 6 months from now, if all a sudden, you learned how to be more confident with women? What would it look like 6 months from now if you became a man who’s not afraid to fail?
I bet you would go places, right? It’s inevitable. Growth has to
occur whenever there’s confidence. But what’s the secret to creating rock-solid confidence with women?
This is what I’ll be unveiling to you in this article. By the end of this article, you’ll be able to do the following:
- How to develop a flexible and dynamic identity that can adapt it’s immovable core to any situation… and become that irresistible guy that all women desire.
- Completely Eliminate ALL Rejection from Your Life Instantly… and For Good
- Using and integrating the powers of the self-image and Presence to become the person you’d like to be
Let’s say your kid self is having fun playing with his small superman toy. Then another kid walks in with a BIGGER superman toy, how would you feel?
Through comparing and judging your toy with another toy, your toy loses value. But it doesn’t REALLY lose value, it’s just your perception.
As men, we have the belief that “we’re not enough”. That being yourself doesn’t cut it. That in order to get more girls, you have go get this or that. And the media feeds this through showing you examples of successful men and how happy they look with a girl on their side. We also see this view permeated through songs and media.
We compare ourselves, identify our weak points and proceed to workout, get money, become rich and famous in the hopes of being “worthy” enough to get that dream girl.
But the majority of us never reach that level of success and for that reason, we see women as people who are made out of a different cloth; as people who are inherently better than us and in order to get their approval, we must live up to societies expectations.
That’s why a lot of men feel empty inside and have no self esteem. By feeling this emptiness, we conclude that in order to feel better, we have to look for constant stimulation to fill the void. It makes sense because logically, if there’s nothing inside of us, how do we expect to feel good on our own? This is how we have been taught to gain confidence:
- Buying self esteem: the way marketers market their products is by showing you that YOU need it through showing you that other people people are happy because of it. Humans are always comparing themselves to others and we all know that comparison is the number one killer of self esteem. So rather than focusing on oneself and finding happiness from within, we look for the short route, the magic pill, we seek to buy or borrow self esteem (social media likes, followers, cars, clothes and etc). You’ll feel good for the moment but unfortunately this type of self esteem has a shelf life and once its over, we seek more. This “person” who we’re trying to satisfy and make feel whole is what we call, the ego. The self that emerges whenever we feel pain and attempt to escape it rather than accept it.
- Seeking a reaction: ever since we’ve been assigned our gender roles — boy or girl — we’ve been trained to look to others on what’s right or wrong. We never really develop an internal system of what’s right or wrong. It only depends on someone else’s opinion (i.e., social conditioning). Whenever someone’s approval or disapproval dictates to you who you are. IF a girl likes you, you feel attractive and that boosts your self esteem. IF she doesn’t like you, you feel unattractive and shitty and Pornhub becomes your life long friend. The self that you “feel” whenever you get or don’t get what you want, is what I referred earlier as the ego.
The secret to how to be more confident with women
There are 3 paths you can take in obtaining bullet-proof confidence with women.
- Using the power of your self image
- Using Presence
- Integrating the power of your self-image and Presence
When I explain to you what each concept means and what how they can be used to create unshakable confidence with women, you’ll see why this unique approach so powerful and enlightening.
Using the power of your self-image to become confident with women
Everyone has a self image, consciously, or unconsciously. The self image is the “type of person” you see yourself to be.
Every self image has “built in” beliefs about themselves and about the world. For example, lets say you’re a Yankees fan (shame on you). By being a Yankees’ fan you will (most of the time) hate the red sox. Or you’ll believe that one of your players is the greatest of all time.
The same with certain self images. If you see yourself as a victim, most likely you believe that everyone is against you. If you believe you’re unattractive, most likely you believe that women won’t like you for you.
You’ll act nervous, and hesitate asking her out because you’re afraid she’ll say no. You’re basically embodying and bringing into life what you believe to be true about yourself.
Understanding the concept of your self image is important because your actions, life situation, feelings, personality are always in par with your self image.
Your life literally becomes the outward manifestation of your self image.
Now here’s the best thing about the self image: it can be changed.
Realizing that you can change your self image is liberating because you aren’t bound to a “predetermined” destiny. But how do you change your self image?
Simple. Begin seeing yourself as the person you’d like to be. Take 20-30 minutes a day visualizing being the person you want to become. Make sure the movie is clear and vivid. Feel how you would feel, see what you would see, hear what you would hear, and notice how you behave differently.
If you ever need to be more confident just begin envisioning yourself as a confident person and keep that image until it becomes a reality. Your brain will make sure to make this an obsession so that you can tackle it with greater intensity and furiosity.
That’s how this technique works. It creates an obsession for the outcome that it becomes something you can’t stop thinking about. Obsessions usually become a reality, but wishes don’t.
Using presence to become more confident with women
You are not your mind. You are not your thoughts. You are not your self image. You are the one who’s aware of your thoughts. You are the one who’s aware of your life experience. You are the one who’s aware of being aware. The one who notices of being here now.
On the opposite side of the spectrum you have lack of awareness; or unconsciousness.
They’re so into their thoughts that they fail to notice the sounds of nature. They fail to notice the great things that’s going on around them all because of their thoughts.
Nothing they do is purposeful. Everything they do is reactive. They feel a reaction and they act on it without first noticing what’s going on.
What does this have to do with feeling and being confident? Everything!
Who you are today (your identity) is merely a reaction to your environment. Everything you did was most likely done to please others.
If your parents wanted you to go to college rather than running your own business, you went to college. If your friends made fun of you for getting rejected, then you’ll feel anxious at approaching a woman because of your fear to be ridiculed. For the most part, who we are is not really who think we are. It’s just a reaction to your environment.
So in order to step out of reactivity and get in touch with your truest self, you have to observe this person you call “you” inside of you.
This requires an ever present alertness on what’s going on inside and outside of your body. This doesn’t mean that you judge it or label it as good or bad, you just observe it.
You’ll soon realize that you can feel good by just being there. Observing your thoughts and environment.
Have you ever wondered why children are so happy? They don’t have much of a past or a future. They only exist in the now. If someone is mean to them, they’ll forget it within the hour. They don’t hold unto the past and don’t see the future as their ticket to happiness.
When you’re able to be here now, and not focus on whether or not you’ll be rejected, you’ll be able to see that things aren’t as complicated as we think they are.
For example, when a child sees someone they want to befriend, they walk to them and ask them to be their friends. They don’t go around in circle or overthinking things. They just feel and act.
Children feel free to be themselves because they derive their happiness from within themselves. They can have fun with or without you.
When you begin to realize that you can find joy in simply being. Without having to do this or that, but just being aware, you’ll find joy in everything. There’s you and then there’s your reaction. You become the space between yourself and the reaction. You aren’t controlled by that “needy” self that always played a part in impeding your success with women.
You’ll be able to fully express yourself to a woman without fear of rejection. There’s nothing she can do to waver you. You are your own source of positive emotions, not her.
Your happiness comes from within. You may hear a thought that says “oh she doesn’t like me!” In the past you used to feel like shit, but now you observe the thought. You see it for what it is and nothing more.
You’re so alert that you notice the exact second when it arises and descends. You don’t react to it. Just observe and accept it. If you can’t accept it, just ask yourself this question: how would it feel like to be at ease with allowing this emotion to be here now, without needing it to change or improve? Don’t intellectually answer it. Just observe how that would feel.
Once you realize that you are not your mind, you will be liberated from your mind made prison. The self that lacks confidence will slowly die out. It needs your reaction to stay alive.
Let go of your unconfident self by observing it as is: as an object in your awareness.
If you talk to a girl and you feel the need to impress her. Stop yourself. Observe the needy self and notice yourself reacting.
I’m not saying you can’t react to certain events. What I’m saying is to be aware when the reaction arises and descends. Don’t let it catch you off guard.
The more you grow in presence (being aware of being aware) the less reactive you become. Your body will process the feeling of lack of confidence and transmute it into peace. You just have to remain alert whenever you feel it so that it doesn’t embody you and become you.
Integrating Presence and the Self image in how to be more confident with women
Now here’s my favorite part: integrating the self image and presence to become a man with ultimate confidence.
Remember, a lot of people have a self image of a defeated person or as someone who can’t control their lives. And also, a lot of people who do realize the power of their self image, and take pride in what they do, once they lose the evidence of their self image, they lose confidence. For example, a lot of athletes use the power of self image to get them motivated. But once they retire, they don’t know who they are.
By integrating presence, you realize that the self image is more of a tool than an identity. It’s a tool you use to manipulate how your body will feel.
You won’t be stuck to just one place. You’ll know deep down that even if you fail at this conquest, you’ll see be you. You won’t lose a sense of self. Your identity is not tied up to the image, but to the truest essence of who you are; awareness or presence.
So the key to all of this comes down to understanding that we all have a self image, our self image can be changed, and that our self image is more of a tool, than an identity. Who we are cannot be described or seen. We are the one who’s aware of everything that’s going on.