These things, if you apply them with your relationship, with guys, it will make you stand out. Man love this kind of stuff because men are masochistic to a certain degree. When a woman inflicts pain on a guy, it’s hard for a guy to forget that woman especially if his ego is involved.
What you guys have to understand about your shadow is this: when people don’t see your shadow, they’ll begin to see you as a very basic individual, they’ll begin to see you like everybody else. Your shadow is what gives you volume as an individual. Your shadow is what gives you an edge, it’s the magnetic part of your personality. When people see your shadow, they’re able to see the contours. The shadow becomes the contours of who you are so rather than being a flattened 2-dimensional individual just like everybody, you become more well rounded. There’s more depth to you, people can sense the depth in your character, particularly men. Men will see you as a strong woman. Seeing the shadow allows them to feel like you’re unpredictable in a good way if you do it in a controlled way.
The first thing that you want to do is to use your frustration and anger to give you the will to hurt more–to give you the will and the ability to inflict pain. What you have to realize is that when you don’t like somebody, they end up liking you back because you’re inflicting a lot of pain. You’re just not aware of it. when you don’t like a guy, you send them mixed signals, you ignore them, you take a long time to respond and you don’t feel the kind of pain you’re inflicting but when you like the guy, you don’t want to inflict that kind of pain because you feel bad. And so what happens is that by constraining yourself, you’re not showing your shadow. You’re not becoming a threat to a guy’s self-esteem.
So, you want to be a threat in order to gain someone’s attention. You got to be someone who could potentially threaten their self-esteem. Sometimes, because you’re a nice girl, you’re not willing to do to the dark side of things, so use your frustrations and use all of the times that people played you. Use that anger that you have to be willing to hurt people and leave them. Use your resentment that you feel towards men and people to be willing to be a little colder at heart consciously.
The second one is to stop trying to please people. Let go and become aware of that need to please people. Become aware of that desire to gain people’s validation. Be more demanding. Demand more. Be colder in the beginning with people so they could desire to be on your warm side. Demand people to respect you. Stop trying to stay on people’s good side. You also have power, you also have something to offer. Why can’t they work to stay on your good side? Know what you want and don’t compromise. Know what you want before you get into it so that you have something to compare it to and sometimes that means leaving the people who you’re with.
The third one is to embrace confrontation. Do not be afraid of confrontations. Embrace disagreeing with people. Embrace showing your negative emotions and stop smiling all the time.
Embrace the anger. Embrace your negative emotions. Learn to call out people on their bullshit more often.