I’m starting to realize that at the end of the day what we humans want is just intimacy. It’s to feel the love that we yearned for from our parents, to feel accepted even with our flaws and neediness, and be loved despite all of that. But sadly some of us are not accepted or loved that’s why we hide behind a mask and try to highlight what we think people like the most. And because of that we are really not connecting to people and they can’t connect to us either.
It’s like having all these superficial connections but feeling empty inside. So rather than dealing with the pain you choose to seek people’s love because even though it’s painful it makes you feel good. And this constant seeking makes you disconnect yourself even further. How do you know you’ve done that? As you get older you’ll notice your notice more develop negative habits. Because if you stop doing these self-destructive habits you have to start confronting yourself.
And that’s the intimacy you are looking for because your parents never accepted your flaws and sometimes you can’t do anything about your parents but you could definitely do something about yourself. That means looking inside of yourself and stopping running away.
Humans need connection and the first connection they need to feel is from themselves. Your brain is malleable and you can learn to love yourself but you can’t love yourself if you keep running away from emotion because that’s you. You got to love yourself by confronting your neediness, your compulsions, and your automatic habits that come out because of pain. We know what we gotta do but we keep looking on the outside for somebody to tell us who we are.
We should start looking into the fog of emotion which is the pain, anger, frustration, and anything you try to avoid. Once you confronted that pain by becoming more present at the moment and finally you show yourself the love that you needed. And this means not attending to your neediness and soothing yourself on your own. It is sitting down with your own uncomfortable feeling because that’s you and letting your awareness dissolve it. It’s not easy but it is the only way.