Whenever you feel manipulated, that’s because you have a lot to lose. In this case, it is his validation. Before you get into a relationship, you have to make that effort to create a distance between you and that person. Even if you feel chemistry with them, try to remain rational, even though that might be hard for you.
Look for those things that you will or will not accept from a person. Ask things like ‘is he crazy,’ ‘is he broke?,’ and ‘does he have ambitions?’
When you find a guy you like, it’s almost like you found a treasure. You have a realization that you found THE guy. It’s like you’re the teacher and your son is the student. You make him pass easily. That’s what happens when you feel chemistry with a guy. You want him to pass.
When you analyze that in your head, you get into a scarcity mentality. You found something special. You feel like you finally found what you’re looking for. If you get some perspective and compare him with other people, you’ll realize that he’s not that big of a deal.
It’s important to do this early on.
The deeper you get into the relationship, the harder it will be to see through the mirage. The harder it will be to see through the illusion that your mind created.
When you are in need, your mind amplifies that which you need. When you’re hungry, whatever food is available becomes very tasty.
You can’t find yourself through a relationship because the other person is also trying to find themselves. You find yourself by challenging yourself. You can do this by setting goals, then transforming yourself in the process of achieving them.
That’s how you transform yourself instead of finding somebody who validates you.
Find your purpose and achieve it. Make that your number one thing.