Women are naturally assertive when they’re children and men are naturally emotional when they’re children. As you grow up, superficial social standards are placed upon you and they tell you what to be and what not to be. Why? It’s because we want social order. Men are told to hide their emotions and women are told to be more differential–be nicer, smile more, be that good girl.
What happens is that your real side or your natural side is suppressed – you put on a mask. The problem is that as you grow older, the mask becomes very heavy and from time to time, the mask begins to slip. It slips once you’re tired of being played and once you’re tired of being told what to do.
Today, we’re gonna be talking about 3 reasons why nice girls are boring and how we can fix that. We don’t want angels here. We want to be able to reform you from a nice to a real person, to a woman who’s integrated, to a woman who can integrate her shadow side and who knows how to assert herself.
The first reason why nice girls are looked at as boring is that they don’t produce dopamine in a guy. Dopamine comes out not because of the pleasure you give and not because of how good you are but it comes because of anticipation — more of a surprise or unpredictability.
When you’re too nice, you’re easy to read unless you’re being nice as a front and as a way to confuse him. Let’s say you’re more of an assertive person, you can use niceness which is okay but if you’re really a nice person from the inside, what tends to happen is that you’re gonna become more predictable. By being nice overtime becomes boring consistently. It’s not exciting because we know what we’re getting. You gotta realize that dopamine and excitement are about anticipation. It’s not about the actual pleasure.
The second reason why nice girls are boring is that nice girls have nothing else to do with their time or at least nice girls appear like they have nothing else to do. Nice girls have this idealized view of romance that you gotta sacrifice everything, you gotta always be there for your guy and that’s true. In the beginning, the problem is that it sets a temple where you will become predictable. Nice girls drop everything for the guy.
They appear to have no lives–they’ll stop hanging out with their friends for the guy, they’ll stop doing the things they love for the guy–and that’s a problem because it removes your edginess, it removes your unpredictability and it makes you less attractive. Yeah, don’t get me wrong, I want a girl consistently but you know what kind of girl I want more? A girl that’s more difficult. The truth is that every guy has a type but the girl that really gets the guy isn’t the girl who’s really hot but the girl that makes him feel weak from time to time.
Nice girls appear like they have no lives and mean girls are busier so as a result, they’re more unattainable. When you’re unattainable, you remain in a person’s fantasy world but when you’re always there, you’re not on his mind. When you’re not there and I don’t know when I’m gonna see you, you’re consistently on my mind. See, that unpredictability fires more dopamine.
The third reason why men find nice girls so goddang boring is because nice girls are naturally impatient. They’re impatient not because of sex but because you want that relationship so fast. See, nice girls want to please the people around them and nice girls want to fit in–they want to just fit in but not make too much noise. Nice girls are also very emotional, they want to find that lover so they could join the club, take those pictures on Instagram so that everybody could see. Nice girls conform and as a result, they want a relationship fast.
You guys want to have that emotional intimacy very fast, you don’t show coldness because you want that relationship very fast, you don’t show disappointment because you want that relationship very fast. and so because of that, you’re a type of person that forgives quickly. You want to get there so you overlook a lot of red flags–you miss the details, you don’t notice his negative qualities. You guys don’t want to offend so you’re too forgiving.
What you gotta do is to declare war on that part of yourself. You gotta declare war on the part of you that’s so differential. You gotta be so differential. Start to be a little bit less forgiving and start having a long memory for the shit that people do to you. Stop forgiving people, stop being so nice. Start to be more aggressive. Start asking for more, start demanding for more.
Slow down, relax the fck up and learn to be with yourself. Nice girls are always trying to make people happy around them. MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY. Start standing up for yourself. Start telling the people who try to f*ck with you to go f*ck themselves. Start learning how to be alone because when you’re nice, you’re very suppressed and you have a lot of traits in yourself that you haven’t confronted.
How to deal with being nice? Well, it’s all about learning how to be aggressive and letting out that aggressive part of you. I made a video about why men love women who embraced their dark side so go check that out. It’s not that guys don’t like you for you, it’s just that you’re not being yourself–you’re being fake. When you’re being nice, you’re being fake.