So our sender said that she considers her a “hot girl,” and she finds men chasing her from the start. Then all of a sudden, the energy shifts. At first, they can’t do enough for her, and the guy will treat her poorly when she is already in the relationship. So she was asking how to get their attention back.

Now she might be doing something because when a girl gets comfortable with a guy, another personality must be coming out. And you might not know it, but you might be super needy. Then this might be turning him off.

Because when people are pulling away when they meet you, then there must be something, so there must be something in your personality that might be pushing them away.

And this is what you want to do; this requires honesty with yourself, and I understand if you don’t want to do it. But you might be coming out too much or too firm, so you want to ask your friends how you came across when you first met. You can lower your defenses by saying, “I was told I came too much sometimes,” and, depending on the answer, try to do less.

By doing less, I mean talking less and everything less than you usually would. So when going out with a guy, you try to completely mute your personality and add different elements to see what’s happening. Because most likely you are doing too much.

You may talk too much, so air on the side of being quiet. Or you can be talking too fast, too loud, and your response too fast. So learn to slow down, speak with a lower voice, and respond a bit slower. Your facial expression might be too much as well. 

Notice how you text the guy you like and those you don’t like too much. This is how you fix it: you reverse engineer what you’re doing wrong and see what you’re doing wrong from that point of view. Start taking things out and then slowly add things in.