One of the things I’ve been pondering on from Robert Greene’s book ‘The 33 Strategies of War’ is this phrase: our desires narrow the scope of our vision.
Your desire for a relationship causes you to give the person the benefit of the doubt consistently. You go in there like he’s innocent until proven guilty.
He is the perfect man until proven otherwise, as opposed to, ‘I don’t know you, prove yourself to me.’
You’re making an irrational decision when you just want a relationship. You’re fueled by an intense desire to find happiness. You tend to develop a lot of blind spots.
You don’t see what’s obvious to everyone else. It’s not because you’re a bad person or you’re stupid. It’s that humans are irrational creatures by nature.
What are some possible solutions to fix this problem of losing that scope and that vision of what’s important?
First become aware of that intense desire to find happiness in a relationship. When you first started dating this guy, did you feel a connection you’ve never felt before? Did it feel special?
For the most part, you felt intense emotion, not because of the traits that he has. You felt it because you guys just clicked.
There is no rational reason why you feel a connection with someone. You just feel it. Our mind rationalizes those emotions in order for them to make sense.
If you really look at the hidden costs of being with him, it doesn’t mean that emotions should supersede the fact that this person has traits that don’t blend in with your future.
Since you don’t want to find out the truth, you allow yourself to blend into people’s emotions. Your intense desire for a relationship blinds you.
The guy may show you some negative signs, but since the emotions that you feel are so intense, you say that those don’t make any sense.
The first step when you lose someone is denial. When you have an intense desire for a relationship, you will walk around in denial.
You only focus on the good things. Those promises to fulfill your fantasies will distract you from the fact of manipulation.
It’s your own desire to be happy that’s really blinding you.
The remedy to this isn’t to find a solution externally. The remedy to this is how you relate to yourself.
What’s really happening is you’re using this person to relate to your pain. You need to find fulfillment within yourself. Your desire for a relationship is really due to your lack of connection with yourself.
Change yourself because you know that it’s the most loving thing that you can do for yourself.